Father, how often should I come to confession?

I get that question a lot. Sometimes from nonbelievers who want to understand this strange religious system of ours. Sometimes from people interested in becoming Catholic—they want to know just what they’re getting into. Sometimes from Catholics who are confused about the messages they’ve received— everything from “God doesn’t really care about sin anymore” to “Why aren’t you like Mother Teresa or John Paul II, who when to confession every single week?”

The answer’s really a personal one.

The Church tells us that we should go at least once a year whenever we’re conscious of mortal sin. (That means important sin where we knew what we were doing and we did it anyway.) I’d suggest we take that minimum and ask ourselves the question: How long do we want to live with mortal sin? A kind of divorce in our relationship with God? Sure, God still loves us, but we’re not really at peace while we’re at some moral distance from him.

Aside from that sort of situation, when our lives are marked by the lesser sins, habits, and addictive behaviors, the grey areas where we’re just not certain about how bad things are, I’d suggest the following:

Many folks seem to do well with twice a year— Advent and Lent. Many opt for the old recommendation of once or twice a month. (In this pilgrimage year, that takes care of our ability to receive those indulgences attached to pilgrimage churches.) Some people find great comfort in weekly confession. I will always challenge people to go more frequently—it’s been a grace in my life when confession has happened on a regular basis. I’d ask us to think about how well confession helps us. If I go more often do I find greater joy and strength in the Lord? Or does it make me crazy OCD over my every fault? Do I benefit from that weekly conversation about the addiction? Or does the thought I can easily forgiven make it easier to return to the bad habit?

Bottom line: Pray about it. And talk to the priest who hears your confession. The Church has always allowed us to choose our confessor, to find someone who’s willing to accompany us in our struggle with sin and our ultimate pilgrimage to God’s grace.