Last week I entertained the question “Father, how often should I go to confession?” This week, let’s think about the next question I usually get: “And, Father, what do I say when I get there?” Confession begins when we examine our conscience. And that begins with prayer. You don’t know what you’re supposed to say? Ask the Holy Spirit. After all, Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit would lead us to all truth. I imagine that includes the truth about ourselves.

The Holy Spirit will reveal the truth to us. We might tend to beat up on ourselves, convinced we can never do better. We might tend to rationalize—“Everyone does it; No one cares anymore; I couldn’t help myself; I’m good enough as I am.” The Holy Spirit will waste no time reminding us that, while we’re sinners, we’re also graced to be God’s beloved sons and daughters. That same Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, Jesus tells us, will be equally quick to tell us when we’re trying to deceive ourselves.

Ask the Spirit’s help. Think about what we do and what we leave undone. Be grateful for God’s grace. Be honest about how we’ve squandered those graces. Sit quietly and reflect on what the last weeks and months have been like. The Church encourages us to a daily examination of conscience—it’s even part of the liturgy’s Night Prayer. When we reflect on a regular basis, we usually see the occasions and patterns in our lives.

Feel free to find a written examination of conscience. They abound! We have one available right next to the confession at St Boniface. Our Bishops’ Conference (uscb.org) offers no fewer than seven on its website: Based on the 10 Commandments, In the Public Square, In Light of Catholic Social Teaching, For Children, For Young Adults, For Single People, For Married Persons! Many others exist, crafted for many other situations. But, they’re not a grocery list— they’re meant for prayer, for an encounter with the Holy Spirit.

When we examine our conscience, we tell the priest what we find. The mortal sins, yes. The habitual sins we want to conquer. The daily faults where we want to grow. We name them. If we need to, we give some context. For mortal sin, we give some indication of how often. Sure, exact numbers are hard to come by. But “often,” “a few times,” “just this once” fill out the picture just fine.